


This Fire In Your Heart Burns Dark But Warm

by nonbinarynica



Category: Kingdom Hearts (Video Games)
Genre: F/M, and in which he also experiences brief and mild self-doubt, in which Riku casts dark firaga in front of Kairi and she does NOT judge him for it, rikai
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-05
Updated: 2021-02-05
Packaged: 2021-03-16 18:08:21
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,306
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29211687
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/nonbinarynica/pseuds/nonbinarynica
Summary: The post-KHII RiKai oneshot in which Riku is not only talked into summoning dark firaga in front of Kairi, but also contemplates his own past in the meantime ─ and in turn, she tells him he's much more than the mistakes he's made.
Relationships: Kairi & Riku (Kingdom Hearts), Kairi/Riku (Kingdom Hearts)
Comments: 5
Kudos: 9





	This Fire In Your Heart Burns Dark But Warm

**Author's Note:**

> thank you to my friend Quarri for this prompt! I'm always, ALWAYS down to write RiKai tbh and here's hoping you enjoy the read!!
> 
> bonus points, a cookie, and all my love to anyone who catches the Iron & Wine song lyrics I referenced very, very early on in this fic btw.

Sunsets on Destiny Islands have, admittedly, always been a favorite of hers. The vibrant shades of red, orange, and purple that color the evening sky paint a familiar enough picture here of  _ home _ that it makes Kairi feel safe once more just looking at it ─ especially now that she, Sora, and Riku are back here again, and the Islands have long since been restored. The sight of the sun dipping down just past the horizon line, and herself watching it go, makes her feel not like nothing ever happened to their home in the first place, but like things are, at least for now, somewhat back to normal.

Part of the definition of things returning to normal includes the three of them deciding to get together on the beach, once the sun starts to set, over at the play island. AKA, the same place where they used to run foot races in the sand, the same place where she and Selphie would watch the guys spar with their wooden swords what feels like a lifetime ago, the same place they used to go swimming hidden off from the mainland, and the same place where the three of them had ever started working on that raft of theirs in the first place, before they had even an inkling of an idea about what the outer worlds held in store for them.

It was here in this place that they used to indulge themselves in those childhood aspects, and it is here in this place that the pieces of their lives now fall back into place to properly line up where they’d before been nothing but a jumbled up puzzle for what felt like the longest time; it’s here they can laugh once more without rhyme or reason, and it’s here that they can just… be themselves again. They’re  _ home _ , and they’re  _ together _ . She’s so glad to have both boys back here with her again after what the three of them have been through so far ─ Sora and Riku, especially ─ that she was more than happy to agree to this. It’s just the three of them meeting up at sunset with a private bonfire just to unwind and relax together on the beach. But it’s more than that ─ it’s them treating themselves to something they’ve been denied for the past year and a half or so: privacy and peace, shared within the confines of a place they used to call  _ theirs _ .

Kairi is the first to arrive, and she sits herself down before drawing her shawl tighter around herself as she waits for the other two. With the sun going down, the temperature is cooling ─ it’s still bearable, but just a little bit less warm than it is during the day.

She looks around and hums faintly to herself as she watches the stars slowly peek out from the inky, dark blue that’s now descending onto the red, orange, and purple. About five minutes pass before she hears footsteps approaching, and Kairi turns to look over and see Riku arrive. She notes the absence of their third, and she tilts her head slightly.

“Where’s Sora?”

“He said he’d be running late,” Riku says as he sits down across from her. “Something about last minute chores.” As he says this, he looks faintly amused before glancing over in Kairi’s direction ─ and it’s then that Riku notices the shawl draped around her shoulders. “Are you cold?”

“No,” she tells him casually. “Not yet, at least. I’m warm enough so far.”

“Okay. We can light the fire when Sora gets here, then, how’s that sound?” He watches her nod in agreement, and two of them sit comfortably and talk for about ten minutes before the sun has gone down completely and he finds himself thinking for a moment. “You know, I can’t honestly remember the last time we did something like this.”

“What, hanging out on the beach at night?” 

“Yeah.” The last time they did this, they were… oh, god,  _ how _ old again? He was maybe fourteen, and Sora and Kari thirteen at the time? Or was it later than that, maybe sometime briefly before the Islands fell to darkness? He legitimately can’t remember. Damn. Riku thinks on it, before he gives up trying to remember at all. What  _ matters _ , he tells himself, is that they’re here now; Sora’s here (maybe not  _ here-here _ in this very spot with them, but he’s here at home with Riku and Kairi), and Kairi’s here too. They’re together again, they’re safe for now. There’s no Heartless around, no Nobodies, and no looming darkness… unless you count the velvety blanket of night that now descends to cover the sky and is dotted with stars. He looks up at said sky now, counting as many constellations as he can since it's a clear enough night, and in the meantime misses the way Kairi’s ocean eyes scan his face almost as if she’s reading him somehow. 

She  _ is _ reading him; with it being a clear night and the moonlight shining down on them, she’s easily capable of taking in the way he’s poised where he sits, reading his expression as his eyes scan the stars. In this light, as Kairi looks him over butterflies fill her stomach and she has to avert her eyes for a moment just to get said butterflies to settle. When she finally has it in her to look at him again, it’s to find him looking back at her with a somewhat pensive look, and she blinks over in his direction.

“What is it?”

“Huh?”

“You look like you want to say something.”

“I…”

She tilts her head at him again. “Riku?”

He taps his finger absently against his knee, thinking for a moment longer. “It’s nothing,” he says finally, tone soft, but it’s almost  _ too _ soft and it nearly drives Kairi crazy; she nibbles at her lower lip before responding.

“Tell me.” It’s not a demand so much as it is a  _ plea _ , and her gaze somehow manages to meet his just long enough, and just  _ right _ enough, that it gets him to cave.

He takes a deep breath before replying. “I feel like I missed this, that’s all.” That earns him a few more blinks in response, and he continues. “After ─ you know, after everything, I feel like I really missed just… this. This kind of  _ comfort _ . Being here. Being around you.”

The fact alone that he emphasizes the word “comfort” is enough to cause the butterflies in her stomach to take flight once more, and Kairi draws in a soft breath before smiling faintly. She’s inclined to agree with Riku on this; even then, however─

“I’m sensing a “but” somewhere at the end of that sentence,” she says softly, and Riku gives her a smile in return. She knows him so well.

“Don’t get me wrong ─ I’m absolutely thrilled to be back here, to have this again with you and Sora. I really, really am,” he continues, “but then a part of me is also just… absolutely terrified, at the same time, that somehow I’ll mess up again.”

It takes Kairi a few seconds to register just exactly what it is that he’s admitting to her, and her smile falters slightly. “Riku…”

“Kairi,” and the way he says her name in reply, at this very moment, sounds almost  _ scared _ , “even if it isn’t something of my own doing the next time around… how do I know something won’t happen again? I don’t─” and he draws in a careful, but shaky, breath, “I don’t want to lose you and Sora again,” he says then in a lowered voice. “Not after the first time. If I end up having to fight just to keep the both of you safe again, I’d do it in a heartbeat. But I’d rather… not have to. You know?”

She blinks again, thinking. Then she speaks. “Hey... I know you blame yourself for what happened around a year and a half ago,” Kairi starts, “but listen. You’re  _ aware _ of what you’d done. You know how badly you messed up at the time. So…”

“So…?” He raises an eyebrow, silently prompting her to continue.

“So you know not to repeat those same mistakes. I’m not saying that what you went through at the hands of both Maleficent and Ansem in the first place was  _ okay _ by any means whatsoever, but you’re even stronger now from it all. And if you’re happy to have Sora and myself back with you, then. Well,” and Kairi smiles at him again, sincere and soft and  _ happy _ , “I think that definitely counts for something, too.”

“ _ Kairi. _ ” This time her name on his tongue is almost reverent, sounding like he’s wanting to say it merely for the sake of invoking her to stay where she is, to stay here with  _ him _ .

Though it’s honestly not like she plans on going anywhere, to begin with. 

“I…” He trails off, meeting her eyes once more and holding that gaze for a few seconds. Then he’s tearing his eyes away and glancing down at his hands, lacing his fingers together in his lap. Even as he does this, though, there’s a faint smile that forms on his lips. “Thanks.” As he says this he finally draws the courage to look back up at her, and when their eyes meet yet again Riku feels the sudden urge to reach across to her, reach out to Kairi just for the sake of brushing the hair out of her eyes. It’s not the first time he’s felt this urge, but just like every other time before now he forces himself to push that feeling aside, beat that  _ gut instinct _ down into submission. Riku has already laid a part of himself bare at her feet, so to speak; he doesn’t want to appear any more vulnerable than he already has. Even if he wants to tell himself that she wouldn’t judge him for it, there’s the part of Riku that continues to deny himself the luxury of indulging in his feelings for her. Because he not only loves her but Sora, as well, and as a result he tells himself that it’s  _ selfish of him  _ to even have feelings for them both to begin with. Because what right does he have for such a luxury in the first place? 

A number of years ago, when the three of them were younger than that of the teen years they’re in now, a good amount of the adults on the island would bear witness to his and Sora’s constant and consistent vying for Kairi’s attention and they would talk amongst themselves about how one day Kairi would have to  _ choose _ between the two boys. And honestly, he wouldn’t be surprised if those same adults are still gossiping about such a thing even today, even after things have somewhat changed and he, Sora, and Kairi have been forced to grow up just a bit more than where they were at a year and a half ago. Despite this, even with how much he loves her he feels like even if Kairi chose him, he wouldn’t even be worthy of it. He loves her… and yet he tells himself that Kairi deserves  _ Sora _ over  _ him _ ─ Sora, who’s a literal ball of sunshine and as a result of that can charm nearly anyone and everyone he meets into being his friend. Sora, who has the genuine consistency and strength to smile through things even when they get tough beyond belief. Sora, who will gladly fight with a keyblade if it’s for the right cause, if it’s for the sake of keeping balance between the worlds, if it's for the sake of fighting back darkness, etc., and Sora, who  _ didn’t _ at one point unleash said darkness on their home, screwing up big time and causing it to be destroyed in the meantime. Sora, who… is just that: himself, all around. Kairi deserves all that and more over  _ Riku _ . 

So, yeah. Just for now, he’ll keep his feelings hidden. Besides, if he  _ were _ to confess to her at any point and she didn’t feel the same way and their friendship ended up falling apart while she remained good friends with Sora, Riku doesn’t think he’d have it in him to ever  _ forgive _ himself for screwing up a dynamic that they’ve been building from the ground up for a little over a decade now.

“Riku?” Kairi says his name out of concern and snaps him out of his own train of thought. “Did I lose you there for a bit?” She teases, and he shakes his head, forcing away those hypotheticals, those  _ what ifs _ , before letting his focus fall back onto the present, onto the  _ now _ .

“No. I’m here,” he tells her softly, and she smiles.

“Good.” 

He returns the smile awkwardly but sincerely, but then frowns slightly when he notices her starting to shiver just a bit. “Kairi, I thought you said you weren’t cold.”

“I’m not,” she lies, but he can tell she’s still shivering even as she tries not to then in those few seconds.

“I─” A sigh escapes him. “Kairi, come on, now,” he says, looking mildly amused.

“Really, it’s fine ─ I’ve got my shawl,” she protests, but Riku thinks for a moment before he’s then standing up.

“Where are you going?” She peers up at him, frowning just a bit in confusion.

“I’m going to go look for something that we can use to get a fire going. If you’re cold, now, we shouldn’t wait any longer to start one. And, plus, this way we’ll already have it going by the time Sora gets here. I’ll be right back.”

“Riku.” As he passes her by she reaches up with shivering fingers in order to gently grab onto his jacket sleeve, and it causes him to stop in his tracks and gaze down at her. “Can’t you just─”

“Can’t I just what?” He murmurs, raising an eyebrow at her curiously.

“Can’t you just use a fire spell?”

That causes Riku to absolutely  _ freeze _ up, and he tenses just ever so slightly at the mere suggestion. He… he could. He honestly could. But, if he’s being honest with himself and Kairi both, he also isn’t sure he  _ wants _ to right away. Because it isn’t the  _ knowing _ he can use the version of firaga that he’d learned in the first place that scares him, honestly, so much as it is Kairi’s potential reaction to seeing him use it at all. 

Kairi notices him tensing up, and her expression turns to worry. “Riku…?”

Riku closes his eyes for a second to ground himself, to calm the anxiety that threatens to overtake him, before he opens them again in order to peer back down at her. “Sorry, Kairi,” he says softly. “I just… I’m not entirely sure,” he adds. “If I were to use a fire spell, any fire spell at all, it would be dark firaga. And if I’m being honest, I’m… not sure I want you to see me use it at all in the first place." He’s honest about that much, at least.

She looks surprised at that. “... You’re worried it’ll scare me, or something like that. Am I right?”

“...”

“Oh my god, you  _ are _ . Riku─” 

He shakes his head a bit. “Kairi, you have to understand. If I show you that much, if I let you see that side of me, even for something as simple as a fire spell─”

“I don’t care.” 

“What?”

“I don’t care,” she repeats softly, and he looks at her somewhat incredulously. Despite this look that he gives her, though, Kairi presses on. “I honestly, genuinely  _ do not care _ , Riku.” As she says this her tone is firm, but at the same time sincere. “I won’t force you to do so, but just know that you can use dark firaga in front of me and I won’t freak out. Okay?”

He knows she means it. And yet… Riku bites the inside of his cheek before chewing at it a bit in contemplation ─ a habit he rarely indulges in at all, as it’s a nervous one and he usually tries not to let his nerves get the best of him to begin with. He inhales, and exhales, then pauses for a bit longer before finally giving in. “... Alright. But let me at least look for some kindling to use it on, okay?” He says finally, almost in a soft whisper, and Kairi nods.

“Okay,” she whispers back, and relinquishes her hold on his sleeve in order to let him head off so that he can find a good amount of kindling to actually catch and hold a fire with. 

It takes him about five minutes before Riku finally comes back, and when he does he’s carrying a bundle of decent sized sticks. He sits back down across from Kairi before setting the bundle down and arranging it into a neat pile between the two of them, then takes a deep breath just like before and holds his hand out. As Kairi watches,  _ Way To The Dawn _ appears in Riku’s hand and when he takes careful, precise aim with it a ball of purple fire is cast from the keyblade onto the pile of kindling. Then  _ Way To The Dawn _ dissipates from his grip and as Kairi watches even more and listens, she sees and hears the kindling catch almost immediately, crackling just like it would from real fire, and as it starts to burn it stays the exact same color as the fireball he’d summoned just seconds prior ─ that purplish-black.

Riku looks up at her then, gauging her reaction, and she moves her eyes away from the fire to look at him in return. "It’s warm,” she tells him with a smile. And it is; it’s burning just the same as a regular fire would, temperature-wise ─ and the only difference of course, besides the color itself, is that it doesn’t actually let off smoke or a burning smell. He looks somewhat relieved to hear her give a positive reaction to begin with, when she speaks up again, tone gentle. "... Actually, Riku," and from where he'd glanced down for just a second or two to gaze at and watch the flames he now snaps his gaze back up to her face, looking anxious, "I do have something else to say about this. But it isn’t me freaking out.” 

She looks back at the flames, then at Riku, and gives Riku a soft smile. 

"Listen to me. You've made mistakes in the past but you've since _acknowledged_ them and have been working to make up for it all, and that's what still makes you a good person in my eyes ─ and Sora’s as well, I’m sure. Just like this fire," Kairi gestures to the blaze that's now dancing merrily between them just like any other flames would, "you may have that leftover darkness burning within you, within your _heart_ itself, but it honestly doesn't make you any less warm of a person. Okay? You're good despite your mistakes, despite your darkness, and you're someone I _care_ about. You and Sora both; you have to know that." 

He doesn’t… exactly know what to say in response to that. Not in a negative way, but he just… doesn’t. Kairi is so genuinely sweet, and he knows she wouldn’t ever tell him something like that if she didn’t mean it sincerely and in a kind way, and her words serve to make him lower his gaze again to stare once more back at the flames. Like Kairi had pointed out, they’re surprisingly warm for their darker color, but he figures that fire is still fire regardless of what it looks like. 

… Oh. That last thought suddenly makes him think of Maleficent, then, and her green fire, and he feels his chest tighten harshly as he’s pulled into a flashback of sorts, seeing her in his mind’s eye─

Oh, shit.  _ Shit, shit,  _ **_shit_ ** _ ─ way to go, Riku, accidentally triggering yourself. Good job. _

He takes a deep breath and forces himself to look away from the fire then and back at Kairi, just to remind himself that Maleficent isn’t around; that it’s just him and Kairi here, for the time being before Sora shows up. And when he’s been looking at Kairi for what feels like the right amount of time, the right amount of seconds, Riku feels himself slowly relax again. He’s safe. 

“Riku…?” Kairi sounds concerned again as she peers up at him, and he gives her a small shake of his head.

“Was just thinking for a moment. It’s fine. I’m okay.”

She doesn’t look too entirely convinced at the latter, but he silently thanks whomever is listening from above when she doesn’t press on the matter either. “... If you say so,” is all she says softly instead as she holds her hands out in front of the flames to warm her fingers. And even as she does this, Kairi keeps her gaze fixed on him.

… Actually, maybe talking about it some might be cathartic. “You know, this isn’t the only fire that’s colored differently than the real thing,” he speaks up quietly after a moment, and Kairi tilts her head at him. “Yeah. Maleficent, she had fire that was  _ green _ . It wasn’t pleasant to be around, by any means. It was just as hot to be around as regular fire ─ maybe even hotter. I don’t even exactly remember how hot it was at the time, but… yeah.” She listens intently, staying silent as he talks, and from that alone Riku admittedly feels… somewhat encouraged to  _ keep _ talking. Maybe doing so will at least help him to move a bit past this… guilt. “I almost burned myself on it, once, too.” He gives another wry smile. “I was reckless, arrogant, and I thought I could maybe use my keyblade to try and figure out a way to mess around with it at the time, control it. It… didn’t work. Not like I’d been hoping it would, at least; it was like her fire had a mind of its own, honestly. She found me out, and…” He trails off.

“And she wasn’t happy with you?” Kairi offers, and Riku nods. Her expression turns sympathetic then, and she pauses for a few seconds before speaking again. “Do you want to talk about something else now? We can if that’s what you’d like.”

“It’s okay. This is… actually helping, somewhat,” he admits. “I just had to get past a flashback in order to talk about this, first, to begin with. But I’m okay now.” He notices the look she gives him. “Honest. I promise, I’ll be fine.”

She worries her bottom lip between her teeth for a moment and is about to reply when they hear the sound of footsteps on the sand, and when they both look over in that direction it’s to see Sora walking up.

“Hey, guys!” He says cheerfully, sitting down beside Riku and looking between them. “Sorry I’m late.” Sora then gives them both a sheepish smile. “Turns out even after you save a number of worlds, chores are still a pain to deal with at home,” he jokes. “Did I miss anything?”

“We’ve just been talking,” Kairi says lightly, smiling over at Sora, and he hums before turning to the fire.

“Oh, wow.” It’s hard to tell whether he’s pleasantly surprised or not, but he smiles at Riku. “You did this, right? I’m amazed you could get it to stay lit. Usually it just vanishes after a few seconds. But I’m guessing for this, you ─ yep,” Sora nods as he peers closely at the bottom of the fire, “you used kindling or something to get it to stay. Nice!”

“Thanks,” Riku says softly, and while Sora’s gaze is still fixed on the flames he and Kairi exchange a private look. After that, she gives Riku a small smile, and just from her expression alone, he feels relief flood through him; the conversation they’d been holding up until Sora arrived? It will stay between the two of them, and he’s grateful for it ─ it isn’t that he wants to hide any of it from their other friend, but Riku just feels like once what’s been said has been said, there’s no point repeating any of it. He’d confided in Kairi, Kairi had comforted him in return, and that’s that. He’s at peace with that much having happened between them. 

After two hours pass, the fire has dimmed down enough that it’s not giving off as much heat as it had before, and rather than either of the boys deciding to cast firaga again to re-ignite the flames the trio agree to just call it a night. They get up from their seats, and Sora stretches and stifles a yawn. “I’m headed to bed as soon as I get home,” he tells the other two, and starts to head back. Riku and Kairi both stay behind for just a few seconds longer, and once Sora is walking off with his back turned to the two of them Kairi moves to position herself next to Riku and leans up to kiss him gently on the cheek. This causes him to blink in surprise before looking down at her in mild confusion, and she smiles softly at him.

“I meant every word I said a couple hours ago,” she whispers, and that’s all she says on  _ that _ before she’s pulling away and calling out to Sora as she follows after him. “Wait up!”

Riku is left standing there for a moment, staring after his two best friends, and after a few seconds the faintest of smiles paints itself onto his face. He’s… okay. He’s definitely happy to be back home with the two of them. 


End file.
